Monday 25 November 2013

Southport










My efforts to charge my van's battery took me to Southport on Merseyside on Friday.  I went dressed for a very cold day at the seaside only for it to turn out sunny and calm.  



Thursday 21 November 2013

OFSTED in your dreams

Having gone through surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, six days in hospital and more you would think that I would be having nightmares about breast cancer.  I fact I wish I was having nightmares about breast cancer.  However, last nights dreams consisted of me teaching science to a year 8 class in a very animated way.  They decided that they had had enough of this and walked out.  The man from OFSTED wasn't impressed and went for the head of year.  There is a a school of thought that says every player in a dream represents ourselves.  That may mean then that the lesson is the cancer and I am the one that leaves while Mr OFSTED is me going for the treatment in the form of the Head of Year.  What ever the interpretation is, frankly, I have had enough of this and want some nice hairy, fairy entertainment in the night time. 
My general anxiety doesn't help, I suppose.  As I write a man from Dynarod is examining the soil pipe outside as this is leaking.  Just calling someone out is a big deal, plus the fact that I might get ripped of, plus the fact that I think I am hopeless and should be able to deal with every day problems like an adult.
My Suzuki van refused to start again yesterday.  It's not surprising as it doesn't get driven much at the moment.   So I bought a jump starter so that I am not calling the RAC out every five minutes.  It has worked fine so I took the van to Kwikfit to get a new battery.  They said that I didn't need one-it just needed a good charge.  You see how this works-if I was better at things none of this would happen-I know it's crazy. Despite taking antidepressants (which help with anxiety as well) I find that I am constantly expecting my life to collapse.  I think one of my hopes was that I would find the smaller things in life would be easier to cope with and would have a smaller profile than they have had.
So Mr Dynarod has now gone and they will get back to me to tell me when they will do the job. Phew first hurdle over.  So now it's a fry up and some photo taking somewhere.
And for everyone that has to put up with OFSTED, 'Fascinating Aida' interpret it as 'Overpiad Fuckers Shafting Teachers Every Day'.
Enjoy your day.
xxxx

Friday 15 November 2013

I didn't meet Alan Partridge

The three mile walk to Tandle Hills Country Park has not really changed in the 55 years that I have been doing it.  There are some new houses and of course there is the motorway link A627M but, the puddles that were there when I was 9 or 10 are still in the same spots.
On Thursday evening I went to the pub with a friend from my last place of employment and had a good couple of hours together.  On Wednesday lunch time I went to the same pub with a friend from my probationary year school.  Two completely different people but two really good friends.  If cancer does anything it does make you appreciate the essential parts of your life and friendships are just that.

Thursday 14 November 2013

So, Now What Do I Do?



Here are two videos with inspiring titles-Before and After Last Radiotherapy.
As you can read today was the last radiotherapy session.  There has been one particular radiologist that I have really liked having and I was glad to see her on the last day.  I have never really liked terms of endearment used on a casual basis but when this woman called me darling it seemed to make the whole process go easily.  She asked me how my skin was feeling and although it is intact it is a bit itchy.  So she has given me some hydrocortisone (to use sparingly).
Again, I have met some astonishing people.  Today I sat next to a man that had had throat cancer and was enjoying his life.
In the past week I have been with several friends old and new and will be meeting up with at least one long term friend next week.  I am really lucky to have you all in my life.
Enjoy the coming weekend.
xxxx

Tuesday 12 November 2013

Sweeney Todd

You would think that the one bus journey I would find myself in tears on would be coming back from the Christie having been told that I had cancer.  That of course, dear readers, you know wasn't the case.  I was returning home to Chadderton today on the 181 when I found myself staring into the evening gloom with a few tears running down my face.  Why, I am not quite clear.  One factor was that as I got on the bus I heard the driver call me 'mate'.  This is quite a common occurrence due to my short hair, trousers and dark clothing.  It is something, however that irritates me cause, I guess, I feel that I am not being seen, and I suppose I am feeling less visible, as a woman at the moment.  BUT I will NOT wear pink!
I went to see 'Sweeney Todd' at the Royal Exchange Theatre Manchester this afternoon.  There was a group of pupils in from the school I used to teach at.  Speaking to a member of staff caused a pull on my heart strings so this was a factor in my emotional moment.
Just two radiotherapy sessions left.  Skin still intact so can't complain.
Take care.
Xxx

Friday 8 November 2013

HDR

Just four more to go and then I should be done with radiotherapy.
There's not much that I can be enthusiastic about, so I have had to push myself on several occasions.  The weather hasn't helped especially when I would like to take outdoor pictures.  I did manage it yesterday and drove up to Jubilee Colliery which is a derelict site.  My intension was to take several shots of scenes at different exposures and layer them together in a HDR (high dynamic range) program.  This is one of the results.

It would probably have benefited from having a spooky face at the window!  
Not being far from Tod (Todmorden) I couldn't resist going to the Towngate cafe at Heptonstall.  A good eatery.
I am blessed to have folk in my life that I don't have to act with.  I was bemoaning the fact to a friend on the phone today that I can't be bothered with the housework or garden.  Her reply was to imagine that I was looking after a child, would we expect them to get their homework done and then do the washing up.  It can sound like psychobabble to say that we should look after our inner child but it can be very useful when we are being over critical of ourselves.
So make a special effort next week to look after your inner child-they deserve in.
xxx


Wednesday 6 November 2013

Neglected bike and sweet chestnuts

I go for radiotherapy for the rest of this week and every day next week, not Saturday and Sunday. That makes 15 sessions in total.
Although the weather has been inclement (understatement) A and I have been able to get out and have some fun time.  Last Saurday I dragged her on to the 419 bus, which stops outside the house, almost as soon as she walked through the door.  Using our pensioners passes we travelled to Ashton under Lyne and had a tasty, healthy lunch at the Topaz cafe.  The caf is run by the mental health charity 'Mind'.  Worth a visit if you live round here.
Sundays weather wasn't much better.  For those of you farther away we have been having heavy showers for many days now.  A had brought my cycle helmet over.  Along with my best bike it has remained stranded in Longsight since I started chemotherapy.  After spraying my ATB bike with a lot of oil and jiggling the gears and chain we set off to collect sweet chestnuts from a stand of trees at secret location in Chadderton.  So now that they are dried off all that is left to do is to roast them.
Take care
xxx

Tuesday 5 November 2013

Male Breast Cancer

I was reading an article in the 'Daily Mail' about male breast cancer.  The man involved had  some of his lymph nodes sent to the USA for a technique called Oncotype DX.  This helps to determine the chances of the disease returning and therefore helps to determine how the disease should be treated
The man concerned had a low chance of it coming back so did not have to have chemotherapy.  The 'Mail' described chemotherapy has gruelling and while I don't think it is a walk in the park I think it is irresponsible to describe it as gruelling.  My grasp of English grammar is not good enough to use another adjective but I would have liked the paper to have a better grasp of the situation.  There again this was the 'Mail'.
I am now into the second week of radiotherapy.  The morning sessions have been easier than the afternoon ones, as I seem to get wound up if they are later in the day.
The procedure is very simple.  It involves lying on a 'table' while the radiologist pushes and pulls you to get you accurately lined up with the X-Ray beam.  They draw further lines and marks on you.  For me the Linac (linear accelerator) machine has two positions and gives two doses.  Once the calibrations have been fed into the machinery the radiologists leave the room and control it from the next room, although you can communicate with them.  The administration of the radiation takes just a few minutes.  The unit is dealing with 80 patients a day so sometimes there is a delay when they get backed up but like the staff at the main Christie in Withington the staff at Oldham are caring and professional.
I am starting to feel the fatigue and am wanting to stay in bed in the morning.  I have been given different exercises to keep the arm mobile and I am trying to do them-honest.