The North wind will blow, and We Shall have Trampolines.

After a stormy Thursday night I returned home to Chadderton, after spending the holiday at A's, to find the above trampoline in the back garden.  I don't enjoy storms as I worry about the damage that may occur but I wasn't expecting this.  It had blown in from next doors garden, tipple topping over the five foot fence and landing the right way up and just dipping a leg into the pond.  I will not be trying it out even though I am tempted to do so.

It's difficult to remember a Christmas tide that I didn't find sad or sorrowful.  Lots of reasons for this and if I related them to you, you would probably get your violin out.  A and I have unconventional Christmas's that often involve bike rides, decorating or some physical work.  We are lucky to have similar mind set about this time of year and are able to enjoy it in our own way.  I enjoyed three days of cooking.  There will always be part of me that longs for the adult equivalent of the doll that I lusted after in Rushton's post office window in the '50's (odd cause I would have really preferred a

 train set) but I am truly thrilled to receive this Christmas cake from a dear friend.

And of course, I have been blessed this year with life itself.  Gifts that are priceless.

My best wishes for 2014.  I hope to celebrate the wonderful people in my life and life itself.  Enjoy everything and everyone that you have been blessed with.

xxxx

62

I am truly blessed with the friends I have.  Thank you all for your heart felt best wishes.  Sometimes I didn't think that I would get to 62.  No big celebrations, in fact I spent the afternoon at an Age UK LGBT get together.

On returning home there was a letter from the Pennine Acute Hospitals-the Royal Oldham to you and me, informing me of a follow up appointment from Tuesdays visit to the Oral Surgery.  Now you need to remember that I have a hole drilled into the back of my front tooth by my own dentist about seven months ago.  So I think the appointment that was in the letter was a bit to far away-8th July.  It took 4 calls to different numbers to get someone to deal with it.  The booking and scheduling were unable to sort this.  A strange and inefficient system.  I really don't get why the Christie model can't be used throughout the NHS.

Enjoy the weekend and if you have finished work for the holidays have a restful break.

xxxxx

The Power of Words

Extreme anxiety a few weeks ago made me seek out some counselling.  I had picked up a leaflet about counselling, at the Christie Oldham on one of my radiotherapy visits.  I rung the number but it was engaged.  After I had repeated this several times over a few days and it was still engaged I decided that there was something wrong.  Support organisations of one kind or another sometimes don't survive because of they way they are funded.  People involved are continually looking for pots of money that they can tap into.  It's a time consuming business and needs a lot of staying power.  So it was with low expectations that I went to the website of Oldham Cancer Support.  I was glad to find that they are still operating, it was just that they had changed their phone number.

I had my first session last week and one today.  Very difficult to reflect on this as the last eight months and everything that has been involved in 'having cancer' still have a quality of having happened to someone else in a parallel universe.  I also think I got away with it (the cancer) quite lightly.  So I've nowt to complain about, have I?  I'll just have to see how it goes.

I was chuffed to see two good friends when I had my dental appointment at the Royal Oldham yesterday and today I spent sometime with a super woman who I am blessed to have as a friend as her wise words always help me to see a bit clearer.

Never underestimate the power of what you say to someone, words are a powerful tool for both good and bad.

xxxx

Finally, I Get to go to Oral Surgery

Today I finally had my appointment at the Oral Surgery, at the Royal Oldham.  It's a good job that this front tooth has not been giving me to much pain the length of time I have had to wait for this appointment.  I have been spoilt be the Christie staff.  Although the consultant that looked at my teeth was not unpleasant he could learn a lot from the way cancer patients are treated by the Chistie.  Before I went in to see him I had to fill a form out about my medical history including a list of my current medication.  After a preliminary examination he stuck an X-ray film in my mouth.  I protested at this saying that I had just finished radiotherapy.  He hadn't looked at the form I had filled in even though it contained relevant information to the procedure that is required.  Anyway they were going to send me to sit in the waiting room while they developed the film but as I was going to the Royal Exchange theatre for the matinee performance of Victoria Woods 'That Day We Sang' I made another appointment.  I don't think he was too pleased with me.

The play/musical was based around Manchester Schools Choir recording 'Nymphs and Shepherds' with the Halle orchestra in 1929.  It was full of Victoria Woods brilliant rhymes e.g. grapple with a pineapple.   Great fun and a joy to watch.  A great way to lift the spirits.

xxxx

Stoodley Pike

My latest venture into High Definition Range photography has taken me to Stoodley Pike.  A monument to the Napoleonic Wars (I think).  The area is rough moorland that is now in Yorkshire but was once in Lancashire.  These were taken before 2:00 p.m. I had forgotten how quickly the Sun goes behind the hills at this time of year.  I love the moors that straggle the Pennines.  They always seem so untameable and ageless.  They are another of my spiritual homes.

I have been reminded this week of just how fragile our existence here is and I am trying to live my life with this in mind.  So enjoy every minute.  Love one another and don't make work the be all and end all of your life. 

My love to you all.

xxxxx

Canal boats,Doctors and bums

Although the weather has been somewhat inclement I have been able to get out with my camera and in pursuit of more HDR shots I went Scarsbrick which is officially on Merseyside about 7 miles from Southport.

When I was on my way to Southport last I noticed that a new marina had been built on the Leeds Liverpool Canal along with a cafe and thought that this may be a good place to take photos.  As it turned out access to the boats in the marina was quite restricted and the cafe didn't have a great veggie choice.  Despite this we had a pleasant day and did manage a couple of HDR photos.

At four years old I went into hospital with a severe burn.  That would be 1955.  How different things were then.  I remember spending my birthday screaming Oldham Royal down and no one giving me any comfort and of course parents were only allowed in during strict visiting hours.  Then at 13 I spent a few days in Oldham & District Hospital in the care of Mr Steptoe, him of the test tube baby fame.  I wasn't having a test tube baby but was in his women's health clinic.  Both of these experiences put me in fear of doctors and hospitals, so I am reluctant to go to see my GP.  So, the pain must have got bad when I mentioned to him on Monday that I had a pain in my bum.  It would be more precise to say that the pain was around my hip.  I seriously thought this was serious.  He soon diagnosed it at bursitis which is damage to the the cushioning around the joint, if you get it in your knee it is "Housewives Knee".  He has given me some exercises which seem to be working well.

Perhaps cancer has given my more confidence in doctors and hospitals.

Enjoy your weekend and look forward to a well earned break.

xxxx

Southport

My efforts to charge my van's battery took me to Southport on Merseyside on Friday.  I went dressed for a very cold day at the seaside only for it to turn out sunny and calm.  

OFSTED in your dreams

Having gone through surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, six days in hospital and more you would think that I would be having nightmares about breast cancer.  I fact I wish I was having nightmares about breast cancer.  However, last nights dreams consisted of me teaching science to a year 8 class in a very animated way.  They decided that they had had enough of this and walked out.  The man from OFSTED wasn't impressed and went for the head of year.  There is a a school of thought that says every player in a dream represents ourselves.  That may mean then that the lesson is the cancer and I am the one that leaves while Mr OFSTED is me going for the treatment in the form of the Head of Year.  What ever the interpretation is, frankly, I have had enough of this and want some nice hairy, fairy entertainment in the night time. 

My general anxiety doesn't help, I suppose.  As I write a man from Dynarod is examining the soil pipe outside as this is leaking.  Just calling someone out is a big deal, plus the fact that I might get ripped of, plus the fact that I think I am hopeless and should be able to deal with every day problems like an adult.

My Suzuki van refused to start again yesterday.  It's not surprising as it doesn't get driven much at the moment.   So I bought a jump starter so that I am not calling the RAC out every five minutes.  It has worked fine so I took the van to Kwikfit to get a new battery.  They said that I didn't need one-it just needed a good charge.  You see how this works-if I was better at things none of this would happen-I know it's crazy. Despite taking antidepressants (which help with anxiety as well) I find that I am constantly expecting my life to collapse.  I think one of my hopes was that I would find the smaller things in life would be easier to cope with and would have a smaller profile than they have had.

So Mr Dynarod has now gone and they will get back to me to tell me when they will do the job. Phew first hurdle over.  So now it's a fry up and some photo taking somewhere.
And for everyone that has to put up with OFSTED, 'Fascinating Aida' interpret it as 'Overpiad Fuckers Shafting Teachers Every Day'.

Enjoy your day.

xxxx

I didn't meet Alan Partridge

The three mile walk to Tandle Hills Country Park has not really changed in the 55 years that I have been doing it.  There are some new houses and of course there is the motorway link A627M but, the puddles that were there when I was 9 or 10 are still in the same spots.

On Thursday evening I went to the pub with a friend from my last place of employment and had a good couple of hours together.  On Wednesday lunch time I went to the same pub with a friend from my probationary year school.  Two completely different people but two really good friends.  If cancer does anything it does make you appreciate the essential parts of your life and friendships are just that.

So, Now What Do I Do?

Here are two videos with inspiring titles-Before and After Last Radiotherapy.

As you can read today was the last radiotherapy session.  There has been one particular radiologist that I have really liked having and I was glad to see her on the last day.  I have never really liked terms of endearment used on a casual basis but when this woman called me darling it seemed to make the whole process go easily.  She asked me how my skin was feeling and although it is intact it is a bit itchy.  So she has given me some hydrocortisone (to use sparingly).

Again, I have met some astonishing people.  Today I sat next to a man that had had throat cancer and was enjoying his life.

In the past week I have been with several friends old and new and will be meeting up with at least one long term friend next week.  I am really lucky to have you all in my life.

Enjoy the coming weekend.

xxxx

Sweeney Todd

You would think that the one bus journey I would find myself in tears on would be coming back from the Christie having been told that I had cancer.  That of course, dear readers, you know wasn't the case.  I was returning home to Chadderton today on the 181 when I found myself staring into the evening gloom with a few tears running down my face.  Why, I am not quite clear.  One factor was that as I got on the bus I heard the driver call me 'mate'.  This is quite a common occurrence due to my short hair, trousers and dark clothing.  It is something, however that irritates me cause, I guess, I feel that I am not being seen, and I suppose I am feeling less visible, as a woman at the moment.  BUT I will NOT wear pink!

I went to see 'Sweeney Todd' at the Royal Exchange Theatre Manchester this afternoon.  There was a group of pupils in from the school I used to teach at.  Speaking to a member of staff caused a pull on my heart strings so this was a factor in my emotional moment.

Just two radiotherapy sessions left.  Skin still intact so can't complain.

Take care.

Xxx

HDR

Just four more to go and then I should be done with radiotherapy.

There's not much that I can be enthusiastic about, so I have had to push myself on several occasions.  The weather hasn't helped especially when I would like to take outdoor pictures.  I did manage it yesterday and drove up to Jubilee Colliery which is a derelict site.  My intension was to take several shots of scenes at different exposures and layer them together in a HDR (high dynamic range) program.  This is one of the results.

It would probably have benefited from having a spooky face at the window!  

Not being far from Tod (Todmorden) I couldn't resist going to the Towngate cafe at Heptonstall.  A good eatery.

I am blessed to have folk in my life that I don't have to act with.  I was bemoaning the fact to a friend on the phone today that I can't be bothered with the housework or garden.  Her reply was to imagine that I was looking after a child, would we expect them to get their homework done and then do the washing up.  It can sound like psychobabble to say that we should look after our inner child but it can be very useful when we are being over critical of ourselves.

So make a special effort next week to look after your inner child-they deserve in.

xxx

Neglected bike and sweet chestnuts

I go for radiotherapy for the rest of this week and every day next week, not Saturday and Sunday. That makes 15 sessions in total.
Although the weather has been inclement (understatement) A and I have been able to get out and have some fun time.  Last Saurday I dragged her on to the 419 bus, which stops outside the house, almost as soon as she walked through the door.  Using our pensioners passes we travelled to Ashton under Lyne and had a tasty, healthy lunch at the Topaz cafe.  The caf is run by the mental health charity 'Mind'.  Worth a visit if you live round here.
Sundays weather wasn't much better.  For those of you farther away we have been having heavy showers for many days now.  A had brought my cycle helmet over.  Along with my best bike it has remained stranded in Longsight since I started chemotherapy.  After spraying my ATB bike with a lot of oil and jiggling the gears and chain we set off to collect sweet chestnuts from a stand of trees at secret location in Chadderton.  So now that they are dried off all that is left to do is to roast them.
Take care
xxx

Male Breast Cancer

I was reading an article in the 'Daily Mail' about male breast cancer.  The man involved had  some of his lymph nodes sent to the USA for a technique called Oncotype DX.  This helps to determine the chances of the disease returning and therefore helps to determine how the disease should be treated
The man concerned had a low chance of it coming back so did not have to have chemotherapy.  The 'Mail' described chemotherapy has gruelling and while I don't think it is a walk in the park I think it is irresponsible to describe it as gruelling.  My grasp of English grammar is not good enough to use another adjective but I would have liked the paper to have a better grasp of the situation.  There again this was the 'Mail'.
I am now into the second week of radiotherapy.  The morning sessions have been easier than the afternoon ones, as I seem to get wound up if they are later in the day.
The procedure is very simple.  It involves lying on a 'table' while the radiologist pushes and pulls you to get you accurately lined up with the X-Ray beam.  They draw further lines and marks on you.  For me the Linac (linear accelerator) machine has two positions and gives two doses.  Once the calibrations have been fed into the machinery the radiologists leave the room and control it from the next room, although you can communicate with them.  The administration of the radiation takes just a few minutes.  The unit is dealing with 80 patients a day so sometimes there is a delay when they get backed up but like the staff at the main Christie in Withington the staff at Oldham are caring and professional.
I am starting to feel the fatigue and am wanting to stay in bed in the morning.  I have been given different exercises to keep the arm mobile and I am trying to do them-honest.

Sun burn

So that's a weeks worth of radiotherapy and today the affected side is starting to get burned.  The radiologists told me earlier in the week that this was so but I had not noticed it but I did immediately start using the aqueous cream to excess.

I was booked in for physiotherapy today expecting that I would be doing a series of exercises.  The physiology did go through the warm ups but the actual stretches were left for me to do at home.

I have been lucky enough to have lift to the hospital some days through the week.  This as made a big difference and I have found the visits on these occasions much easier to deal with.

Yesterday should have involved a visit to to GP but this was cancelled by the surgery but I enjoyed a pub lunch with a former colleague.  It's a joy to be able to eat out, this was not allowed when I was on chemo.

If you get chance take a look at my article in 'Out Nort West' that you can read online.

Best wishes for November.

Xxxx

Moorland walk

We picked today to do the most strenuous walk I have done since the beginning of my treatment.  It wasn't meant to be too difficult but some of the footpaths are so badly way marked and in such bad condition we covered more ground than we had intended to do.
Having got the 181 bus (bus passes are great) we travelled to Jubilee corner in Shaw and walked over to Brushes reservoir, had a coffee out of the flask and then onto the 'Black Ladd' public house for our tea.
It poured down much of the way and when there was a distinct footpath it tended to be a stream.
You may think none of this was a big deal.  The moorland terrain can be ankle breakingly rough and uneven and the energy to do this walk was enormous.  So it is fair to say that I am very chuffed with myself, my recovery and my health in general.
Enjoy your week.
Xxx

Radiotherapy

I had my first radiotherapy on Friday.  Certainly a lot easier than chemotherapy.  One reason being that the journey is all of ten minutes.  

The unit is at the Royal Oldham hospital.  It is,of the same standard as the main Christie hospital at Withington.  This unit deals with 80 patients a day so,they can be forgiven for running late.  There are two Linac machines.  The process involves putting on the gown that you are given and then lying on a metal table while the radiographer adjusts your position.  The machine is then lined up to the tattoos makes that were made last week.  

The actual radiotherapy last 2 minutes on each mark while the radiographer have left the room.

Once again I have to say how good the staff are.  They instil confidence by their professionalism with compassion.  The patients identity is checked several times and there is a photograph of you on the computer so the chances of them getting it wrong are very small.

So there are now 14 treatments left.  I may become tired towards the end and may have some burning to the area being treated.  This has been a long journey but it feels that I am coming to the end of the first part.

Take care.  Look after yourselves and your loved ones.

Xxxx

Tattooed

I now have two tattoos, one on my chest and the other under the arm.  They don't say 'mum & dad' or 'love & hate' or if they do you will need a microscope to read them, they are tiny reference marks to line up the X-Ray machine.  I was expecting to be in for up to two hours but the whole process from booking in took just over twenty minutes.  This included a CT scan. A novel experience.
I have read a couple of things this morning running Oldham down.  I know I am a bit daft about the town and think it is the centre of the universe and often don't see what is wrong about it but having an outpost of the Christie is a real boon to the town.
Once again I have to say how the entire Christie staff and organisation stands head and shoulders above a lot of the NHS.
Take care and enjoy the weekend.

Tats-I said tats

This is what my hair is looking like or at least that what it feels like.

I get my tattoos next week so the radiotherapy will start the following week.  For some reason I am feeling rather anxious about this.  I don't know why this should be has it cannot compare with chemotherapy.  I am certainly getting tired of the whole hospital stuff.  Of course I know how lucky I am to have such an easy to treat cancer and to be treated on the NHS-the chemo itself costs around £5000.

Generally, my anxiety levels are high and it's struggle to be positive all the time.  So if there is anyone out there that has a mantra they can pass on please do so.

Be kind to one another.

Xxxx

Radiotherapy

Went to see the consultant yesterday.  Really seemed a long day to be told that the radiotherapy will start within the next fortnight and within the next week I will get 'marked up' up for it.  This means being marked on chest and under arm with a marker pen and then the marks are made permanent tattoo fashion.  These marks are for the correct positioning of what in affect is an X-Ray machine.
The distance I have to travel for this will be less as it can be carried out at the local hospital but will be every weekday for three weeks.
I have found losing a lot of my independence very difficult and really need now to get back to my old self.

Loving my own bed.

I was discharged yesterday morning.  What an incredible six days that was.  If I have ever complained  about my illness during the last few months may I never do so again.  It would be wrong of me to talk specifically about the illnesses of my fellow inpatient but there were some vey sick people in there who just got on with there lives.

I had a stubborn urinary tract infection that needed some strong antibiotics.  I was doing alright until my temperature spiked again and had to start counting the normal temperature for 48 hours again.

As I say I had an easy ride compaired to some.  So really glad now to be home.  I have an outpatients appointment next week which I guess will be about radiotherapy.  So all systems go for the next phase.

Take care

Xxxx

Can I Go Home Yet?

Well, still in the Christie.  Temperature has been normal for sometime now but last night it went up a couple of times to 37.7 so I don't know if that knocks back my chances of going home.

One of the cliches associated with this is 'the staff at Christies are marvellous'.  Well they are.

Thanks to everyone that has text, rang, visited.  I really appreciate it.  You are brilliant to.

Have a good Sunday.

Xxx

37.5

So still an inpatient with a temperature that is up and down.
Lost track of how many antibiotics I have had but have had two lots of bloods taken from the same place this morning.
Getting bored now, bored, bored bored.

Impatient Inpatient

So I am lying in a bed in the Medical Assessment Unit at the Christie.  Have had more intravenous antibiotics and have to stay at least over night to make sure that the infection clears up this time.  My only complaint is that they had to take my details again and could not just pull them up from Sunday.

Infection

On Sunday I had a temperature of 38.6, so we phoned the Christie hotline knowing that they would want to admit me.  So an ambulance was sent within the hour and the fabulous crew delivered me to the Medical Assessment Unit at the Christie.
A canular was fitted with some difficultly and bloods were taken.  Two lots of intravenous antibiotics were administered.
After spending all afternoon on the ward they identified an infection and I was allowed to go home with some oral antibiotics.
Only problem is that I have an high temp now.  The nurse is due at lunch time to give me my last GCSF injection so I will wait to what her advice is.

S with Ch

You may have to look closely to see the  chains on the scarf.

The wait is over.  I can now tell you that 'S with CH' as in the 'I Spy' game was 'scarf with Chains'.  Not an S and M accessories bought of Royton Market but scarf with tiny chains.

  

Surprise, surprise

So we were taken to the consultants room where we had quite a wait, so we played 'I spy'.  I went with DG. Al soon tuned into the dispenser but took ages to get disposable gloves.  Hers was much more inventive-S with Ch.  I was given a lot of clues.  Remember that there's not a lot of stuff in a room like this.  We were in a fit of giggles when the consultant arrived.  

After discussing how tired I had been this time he said

Fanfare tuteytuteytute!!!!

That he did not see any advantage in having 6 cycles of TC, when 4 will just be as effective.

So today's is the last one.

Hurray!

Now serving 417

We are sat in the Oak Road treatment centre at the Christie.  I am waiting for my number to come up for my blood test.  The system is like waiting at the cheese counter or deli counter.

This cycle has been very tiring and I think this is the first time that I have felt like I have had so little energy.  It's disappointing when you have time to read and do a lot of catch up to find that you don't have the energy to do the things you want to.
I am also seeing the doctor today.


Bloods have now been taken without any problem and without much waiting. So we have gone to the cafe for unhealthy snacks to pass the time until the doctors appointment.

Returned to treatment centre to be called in to see consultant fairly soon after.  He had a big surprise to tell me. But you will have to wait until Tuesday morning.
Night, night.  Xxxx

Article in Out Northwest

Actually managed to take some photos of the sunflowers today.  Lit by a table light  and focused using live view enlarged to get the a sharp image.

Look out for my small article about my experience of breast cancer that will appear in the October addition of 'Out Northwest' available at venues in the gay village and online.

Tired

The fourth cycle of chemotherapy is just one week off.  I have been free of d&v this time which has made the last two weeks bearable but the fatigue level has increased and I have found it very difficult to do much.  I bought a bunch of flowers containing the above sunflower with the intension of taking some arty pics.  Even this proved too much.

Even though my hair has fallen out it has continued to grow.  I have continued to shave it off but I am going to stop this for a while to see how patchy it is.

The final two cycles of chemotherapy are in October so these last sessions may pass quickly-I am getting bored with it now.

Take care

xxx

OAP

Today I officially became a state pensioner complete with bus pass.

I do not have any pearls of wisdom for you young ones out there because they all seem to be cliches.  However as I write this I am feet away from where I was born (home birth) and I am aware that life passes in the blink of an eye, so make the most of what you have, love one another and be kind to the world.

xxxx



Mellow Fruitfullness

I was rather optimistic thinking that I would have three rough days each cycle of the chemotherapy.  Although the last cycle and the present one have not been as tough as the first one, five to seven days out of each month would be more realistic.  Having said that the side effects are not now as debilitating as they were.  As I have already said the anti sickness drugs were changed this time and I am taking Levinan which has a sedative effect so is taken before bed time.  I have only tried this for two nights,  the first time I found it a bit of a struggle to come round in the morning but on the second day I was much more awake.  Along with the Buccastem the level of nausea and sickness seems to be well controlled.  Last cycle I managed to get to day seven without any sickness so I hoping that all will be fine this time.

As I write this I am awaiting the district nurse to give me a Granulocyte Colony Stimulating Factor GCSF (Filgrastim) injection.  These injections are given for seven days post chemo and are for boosting the immune system.  The side effect of these are achy joints.  These so far I have managed to handle with painkillers.  So you can imagine that I don't feel like running about and energy levels are not high but at least now that I have different sickness tablets I am able to watch the tele and at least read for a short time.  It's a chance to take it easy and do as little as possible.

The wasp reminds me that we are about to enter Autumn, for me the finest season of them all so hopefully I might get some mellow photos in in the next few weeks.

So enjoy these beautiful Autumn days and take some time for yourself.

xxxx

 

 

Chuffing Eck.

During the five years or so that I have been out of teaching I have joined several organisations such as the RSPB, Natioinal Trust, and Keighley and Worth Valley Railway.  With the last one you get three day, passes to use throughout the year.  So these have gone unused until last week when I drove over to Oxenhope and took a very short steam train trip to Haworth.

You are warned that one of the side effects of chemo is fatigue.  I haven't noticed this, I have been my usual lazy self.  However, climbing up the hill from Howarth station to the village was a big struggle and I had to use a bench half way up, so I guess this is fatigue.

We have just got back from having my bloods taken at Christies so the third round of chemo will take place tomorrow, so I will half way through.

Thanks to H and A for the lovely meal yesterday.  I am truly blessed with the friends I have.

Have a good week and look after each other.

Xxxx

 

Nothing to do with steam trains or chemo.  I took this some years ago and it remains my favourite photo.
Thought those that have never seen it might like it.

 

Hardcastle Craggs

 

So today's outing was to Hardcastle Craggs, a National Trust property at Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire.  An extensively wooded area there is also a very early cotton mill which was the setting for 'Dotheboys Hall' in the film 'Nicholas Nickleby'. 

I didn't walk very far as I found it quite exhausting.  I stood in the river to take this, and several other pictures (all very similar) only to find that my Welly's, or at least the right one lets water in!

For those interested in the technical details I used a variable ND filter.  There is still work to do on this long exposure technique but I think I might have to replace my footwear before I try standing in the middle of a river again.

 

The week before the chemotherapy administration is when I feel the fittest.  However it's rather like the days after a heavy cold and you start saying 'I should go back to work but I am not well enough'. Although my temperature is normal I go from hot and cold and cold and hot.  I realise that I don't understand the the bodies temperature control system.  My smell and taste system is also messed up.  There seems to be a factor missing from my taste and my smell system seems to smell things that aren't there. 

 

Talking about side effects I was having big trouble with the anti sickness pills Metoclopramide Hydrochloride.  They were making me very twitchy and I was finding the light unbearable so reading, tele watching and using the ipad were all difficult.  I phoned the breast care nurse at Christies who quickly got these drugs changed.  The staff at Christies are fantastic and if they don't train staff at other hospitals on how to care for folk they should seriously consider diong so.

 

I was also thinking about friendship today and all the amazing people that text, ring, email, send cards, send flowers, Facebook me, make meals, pop round and generally support myself and A.  If I don't always get back to you I really do appreciate you all and do think you are fantastic.

Take somet ime for yourselves-you deserve it.

xxx

 

Where has all my hair gone, long time in passing.

It's blinking cowd without any hair.  Having to wear a scarf indoors.

That's cold to all non northerners.

Second Round OK so far

The second cycle of chemotherapy seems to be going alright so far.  The sickness was minimal although I remained extremely hot even though the weather was a lot cooler this time round.

I have very little hair left and those that were remaining have now been shaved off.  My scalp is very pale compared to my sun tanned face.

The district nurse continues to come every day (for seven 7 post chemo) to administrator the immune boosting injections.  Pain in the long bones and back can be a side effect of these but I am taking pain killers when needed.

I am hoping to be more active in the coming week.  It takes quite a time in the morning for me to come round but I am hopeful that I will become more active.

Take care.

xxx

2nd Cycle of Chemotherapy-administration.

Second round of chemotherapy today.  The nurse put a warm bag on my hand today which made finding a vein easy.  I had taken four lots of steroids before going to Christies so I was suffering from quite a bad headache but I have changed from Migraleve to Solpadeine Max which seem to work better.

I also got off the Internet a selection of cool packs and ice packs to cool my headache, so hopefully I might be able to cope better with this, this time round.

Take care.

Xxxx

Hair Today, None Tomorrow

My hair started to fall out on Saturday.  I had already shaved it down to its shortest with clippers and it seemed to be very grey but it now seems that the darker hair is still there. It is however, still coming out.
We were able to get out on the bikes on Sunday.  We took the train to Sanbach and had a look at the Saxon crosses in the market place and then went for a 15 mile ride in mixed weather-sun and showers.
Today I went for my bloods to be taken at Christies and to see the consultant.  Well, they say when policemen start to look young, you are getting old, but when consultants look as young as she did, you start to feel ancient.
So, tomorrow is the second round of chemo.  I know have more drugs than Boots the Chemists, so all side effects should be catered for.  I let you know how I go on.
Take care of each and be kind.
Love
Jean
xxx

Tandlehills

I have my second round of chemotherapy next week, so I took a walk to one of my spiritual homes today, Tandlehills Country Park in Royton.

Last farm before Tandlehills

I have done this walk for over 50 years but never fail to find something new.  This 38 hectare mature beech and mixed woodland was used by Radicals prior to the Peterloo Massacre for meetings and drilling.  The authorities at that time stopped these activities by planting trees.  The woodland passed through several hands over the following years and was eventually given in1919 to the people of Royton by the then owner, Councillor Norris Bradbury, as a Peace offering at the end of the Great War.  It's a place to find a little bit of peace even when there are a lot of people visiting.

Today was another beautiful day and a good one for a gentle walk, with a cool breeze to prevent it being uncomfortable.

  


Lots of Rosebay Willow Herb in flower today
 

Dabbled light amongst the Beech trees
 




Although there are lots of Beech trees the park has a wide variety of trees.
Here Larch trees line one of the paths near the monument.




The Beech trees put lots of leaf cover down in Autumn.

 



Neglected Garden

My country cottage style garden has become badly neglected over the last few weeks with far too much grass growing in the wrong places, not to mention the mesky Horsetails.  The Crocosmia Lusifer however is a survivor and is looking spendid.

 





Moorland Drive

Drove over to Ripponden today to charge the van's battery.  It was a beautiful day with a light breeze blowing over the hills.

The traffic thundering over the M62 should consider taking the quieter route, they might get to appreciate the view.  This is looking toward Manchester from Boothwood Reservoir.

The Essential Component in My Chemo Survival Kit.

I couldn't have got through the last few months and especially the last couple of weeks without the love and  support of my wonderful partner.

Everybody should be so lucky.

xxxx

Oldham Pride-I'm Proud of You

Yesterday was high point.  I was we'll enough and fit enough to attend Oldham Pride.  Again, this year, the weather was good and this small, uncommercialised event was well attended.

I had very little side effect from this outing and although I have been warned about fatigue I am not feeling too tired.  The reason maybe that I have wonderful support.

A Step Too Fem

Anyone that has known me for any length of time will know that I don't do makeup.  So you will know what a big thing it is for me to have applied nail varnish.  There is a chance that the nails will become loose.  A nurse at Christies had worked in Jersey and had found that painting the nails in a sunny climate seemed to protected them.  So, whether this will work in the rainy North West we will see.

For my followers in Russia, USA, Serbia, Israel and anywhere in the world that doesn't know the North West of England I will often refer to the hospital where I am being treated as Christies when it should really be called the Christie Hospital.

9 days post chemo

The days that have passed since the chemotherapy have been a bit of a roller coaster. On the third day we called the doctor out. Which in itself was difficult because the receptionist was insistent that I be put in a car and be driven down to the health centre.  It as been plain that you can't do this alone.  You need someone to advocate for you, help you with you medicine and someone just to be there for you. Anyway the doctor gave me some anti biotics because my temp was up.  So by Sunday I was able to take a short trip.  By Monday I wasn't well and the district nurse got me some Imodium and stronger painkillers because my inner workings were over working and giving me rather severe pains.

By the last immune boosting injection on Tuesday my mouth had become very sore dispite sterilising my tooth brush etc, so more drugs were prescribed.  So now all these problems seem to have settled down and A has just described me as looking like a 'normal person' sat at my desk.

People of the North West of England have come to expect a superb service from The Christie Hospital and we certainly get one but the service that should also be getting plaudits is the District Nurse Service.  They have been absolutely fantastics, caring compassionate and completely non judgemental.

First chemo session

FEC's OFF

The echocardiogram showed that I have a thicker than normal left ventricle.  So because the E in FEC can effect the heart the chemotherapy has been changed to TC.
The side effects of these are similar to those with FEC, complete hair loss, nausea, etc.  I have to take three days worth of seroids around the chemo treatment.  These can stop you sleeping, make you irritable, (me irritable?) and a bit hypa.
The advice from the doctor was a bit more sensible than some of the info around on the Internet.  Basically she said live your life as you would want to, don't wrap yourself in cotton wool, if you don't feel well change your plans and take it easy and if you think you have got an infection get in touch with them right away no matter what time.
So here I go.  Hope to see you soon.
Take care.
XXX

The Directors Cut

Our bike ride on The Wirral, Sunday the 14th July!

Hair Cut Vid

A number two

So today I had a number two.  That is, I have had my hair clipped on a number two in preparation for losing it. I'll have it shaved off soon after my first chemo next week.  I am not going to wait for it to fall out.

Last few days before chemo

I went to my favourite cafe today-the Towngate Tearooms in Heptonstall.  Good food and pleasant staff.  Try it.  Heptonstall is a real step back in time, unlike Howarth and Hebden Bridge the outside world is still to find it.
I have added to the chemo survival kit.  Fibogel for when the drugs take over my digestive track and have put some audio books on to my iPad and bought two more scarves off Royton Market.
The day is now getting very close and yes folks I am scared.  It really is a leap into the unknown.  I have big fears of throwing up and developing bad migraines.
I don't think, no matter how many 'bad heads' you get you never get used to them and I think I must be crackers for doing something that may bring them on.
I am asked by my good friends what can they do for me, so I will say to all of you, think of me, pray, if that is you belief, phone, text email and please don't be put off if I don't answer or if I am sharp or whatever.  I am blessed to have you all.  Most of all look after Alix, please check that she's OK and take her out or cook us a meal to give her a break.
Sad to say I have dropped out of the photography class, I just got too exhausted trying to cope with it all.
I will 'blog' at the first opportunity after the chemo.  I have read that being in front of a screen immediately after chemo can bring on migraines. Nooooooo how will I live without tele!
Take care and be kind to one another.
Luv yer
Xxxx

Name change

You will notice that I have changed the name of my blog.  I was looking last night for what to expect from chemo that wasn't written by the professionals.  I only came across one blog, so, I thought mine may not be accessible to those who may be interested.
I know it's not the most inspired title but if you have got any better suggestions bearing in mind the search engines need to pick up key words, let me know.  Bye the way you can leave out anything like 'Breast Cancer-My Battle'.

Chemo survival kit

My chemotherapy survival kit is now in place.  It consists of:-
Cheap DAB radio
Hand gel to kill germs when immiunosupressed
Child's soft tooth brush for when gums are too sore to use ordinary toothbrush
Alcohol free Corsodil for sore mouth
Sea Band to help to prevent nausea
Boiled sweets to ward of possible bad taste when chemo is administered
Ice lolly moulds to make lollies to cool sore mouth
Cordials to help keep up liquid intake and to make lollies
Insect repellent, midges love me and I can't risk infection
Insect bite cream
Anti septic wipes
Anti septic cream
Digital thermometer to monitor temperature in case of fever
Films
Books
Several 'Buffs' to cover head when I lose my hair
Caps for same reason
Small Piglet
Lots of good wishes from my FANTASTIC friends
XXX

Save the NHS

Today I joined members of UNITE outside the Royal Oldham Hospital to mark the birth of the National Health Service 65 years ago.

You just don't know when you might need it.

FECin appointments

Received the appointment card this morning for the three cycles of FEC.  The other three cycles will be a diiferent drug-T. (Look it up yourself).

Each treatment is over two days.  The first day I go for my bloods and then the second day the chemo is administered.  This seems a bit of a drag until you realise that the Chemotherapy Treatment Centre deals with around 200 patients a day and all the drugs are specific to that patient and treatment is dependent on the patients bloods being ok.

It's a pity that the Appointment system at the Pennine Acute Trust doesn't run as efficiently.  I am so fed up with the people on the appointment switch board not being able to understand why it might be a good idea that I have my dental treatment before I start my chemo that I have made an official complaint.  We tend to forget the 'Service' bit of the NHS and that it is our NHS.  We need to stick up for this service but tell them when they get it wrong.  It is very quietly being privatised and we are sleep walking into a system that will no longer be free at the point of delivery.  Don't let it happen.

 

Keep fighting people.

xxx

Chemo News

So on Monday we went along to Wythenshawe Hospital for me to have an echocardiogram.  I had recieved two letters from Wythenshawe, one for the echocardiogram and one for a bone density scan, different dates about ten days apart.  The bone density scan was in the Nightingale Centre at Wythenshawe.  So while I was having my heart looked into Alix went and asked if the Nightingale could do the bone density scan, which they did.

 

The chemotherapy has been put back a week but I do have a date for the treatment starting.  This of course is dependent on having a good blood count the previous day.  I think I might go mad if it does not start.

Camping by bike



Spent last weekend camping at Barber Booth Campsite in Edale.  We caught the train at Belle Vue with bikes and camping gear.  Good camping weather, so good that the campsite was full 'even to small tents' but my silver tongued friend got us on.

Ate in the Ramblers pub with Alix's family, a lovely way to finish the day.

We had all mod cons.

And the locals were friendly.



 



And I always get my priories right.

Today was the day that I nearly lost my temper and had a good blub.  I phoned the appointments again at the Royal Oldham and explained why I was phoning (restorative dentist).  After discussion with her superior the woman on the other end of the phone offered me an appointment the week the chemo starts so I explained why this would not work so she offered me an appointment on Saturday the 20th-so I had to explain that chemo would have already started.  At this point I gave up and put it back into the dentists court.

 Have spent today sorting appointments. I went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago for a root canal filling.  She was unable to break through to the canal, so had to refer me to the restorative dentist at the Royal Oldham.  So far they have not got back to me, so today I phoned the dentist and the number was unobtainable, so I emailed them.  Their phone lines were down because someone had stolen the copper cable.  I consequently phoned the oral surgery at the Royal Oldham but no one was answering.  However Wythenshawe have got back to me with a date for my echocardiogram (I may have a heart murmur).

After yesterday's visit to the Christie I am now wondering whether I am doing the right thing in saying that I want chemotherapy.
Yesterday's appointment, had apparently been cancelled by Christies but we didn't know that, so they fitted us in.  Started off with blood tests and then we were taken to the breast cancer dept.  After a short wait we were seen by a registrar.  I thought going with the decision to have chemo would have speeded things up but she went through the pros and cons with us and I have to go back Monday week to sign the consent forms and the chemo will be ordered from the pharmacy and I should start it it some time that week.
The chemo is appropriately called FEC.

Off to The Christie in about half an hour.  Should be seeing an oncologist.  I have decided to go for the chemotherapy.  Need to remember that it's only me that has decided and the doctor doesn't know this and he/she will be putting it to me as a decision that I still have to make.  Having said that we have to be there an hour before the appointment to have blood tests which seems to imply that chemotherapy is already decided upon.

It's difficult to know what I feel at the moment other than I want the whole process to move on.  I seem to be stuck in limbo.  Finding it almost impossible to do my final photographic assignment and really don't feel like doing much at all, even writing this blog is becoming difficult.  Put me in a coma and wake me up when it's all done.

 

Have a good day.

xxx

Christies phoned on Wednesday to confirm the appointment with the oncologist.  I am really glad that I have got a definite date-the wait was starting to get on my ----.

I have cycled four times in five days.  The average distance covered was only about ten miles but it was very pleasing to know that I could do this distance without any strain on the wounds and to know that my legs had not wasted away.  Driving on the other hand seems to be hard work.

Also went to my photography class.  It's a group of fantastic and talented people.  I am finding it difficult to concentrate on anything even the things that give me great pleasure.

Lunched on Friday with a friend at the park.  We talked about all the nonsense that we have taken in our jobs and how both of us have perhaps lacked confidence.  I said that I wasn't going to take any rubbish from anyone, L said that it was a shame that it has taken cancer to make me realise that. 

I learned from her of the death of someone who had cared for me over many years in a professional capacity.  I regret that I had not thanked her for all her care.  There are so many things that we should say when we have the chance.

There are so many of you out there that have sent your good wishes and I have not got back to you.  All of you are making a difference to my life.

Look after yourselves.

xxx

I now have a provisional date to see the oncologist.  I am finding this part of the process very stressful.  I need about a week to assimilate what has gone on before but any longer wait to be notified of the next step is far too long for me.  I can't settle to do anything and I just want to sleep to the next date.  Where is my TARDIS when I need it?
The provisional date is next week.  I hope that things move on quickly from there.  Unless the oncologist comes up with a good reason not to have chemotherapy I intend saying to them there and then that I want to go ahead with it.

Please support me through this step of the treatment because I am scared, mainly of the unknown.  

It is difficult to find the right words to describe the wonderful friends that I have so a special mention goes to the person who brought flowers and cream cakes on Satuurday-you mean a lot to me and another special mention to that brill two cat woman in Chorlton-you are brill.

My love to you all.

Xxx

Attended my first photographic class in a month last night.  We went to Victoria Baths.  Well worth a vist if you have not been before.  It must have been hard work because I am now worn out on the following morning.
Last night was the first time I have dreamt about the cancer.  Of course it had to be in with a dream about school and an excuse not to be there and doing a register-didn't know that I hated registration so much.
I spent 2 hours yesterday afternoon in the dentist chair trying to have a root canal filling.  The dentist however failed to break through into the root canal so now I am being referred to the restorative dentist at the Royal Oldham-talk about getting your money's worth.
Enjoy your day.
Xxx

I will save you the three week picture of the wounds because I seem unable to get the camera in the right position.  They are healing remarkably well and I seem to have good mobility in the left arm.  This is because I have been very good at doing the exercises.

I am now suffering from information overload having researched chemotherapy extensively on the internet.  As research into survival rates have to be over a long time and treatments are improving all the time, predicted survival figures are going to be always out of date.  There are no guaranteed side effects of chemotherapy as everyone is different.  As I am feeling very well at the moment one of the things I fear is not feeling well.

I have yet to get the oncologists appointment but I am once again wishing that this time would pass.  I can only base my decision on the research I have undertaken, the experiences of others, what the experts say and my past experience of watching someone die of cancer and my gut feeling is if someone offers you some more time to live you take it.

I value your opinion, so why not become a follower and post something on here.

Enjoy your day.

XXX